Image:adaptation of Waking up to change courtesy of seanmcgrath

Real generosity towards the future lies in giving all to the present
- Albert Camus

Welcome to the last of four installments in this article series . If you’re new to it, you might want to head back to our first one and start from the beginning. The ‘Fish! Series’ explains in detail the four basic principles of the Fish! philosophy, and how adopting them can help you have a happier life. Today, we will discuss the fourth and last principle: Be Present. I hope you enjoy it.

Principle # 4 – Be present

Being present means not spending time brooding over past events or worrying over potential future events. You should instead focus your attention in the present moment. In the context of the Fish! philosophy, Being Present means devoting your undivided attention to the person in whose company you are with. In this article, I will extend this definition to paying attention to tasks, people or moments.

This means that Being Present is…

… turning off the TV when your partner asks you an important question so that you can really listen to her and engage in the conversation

… asking  “can you please wait 2 minutes while I finish this so that I can pay attention” to your colleague who just dropped in and started talking to you as you were in the middle of writing an important email

… Closing your email while you are in that boring teleconference, so that any email you write gets the attention it deserves; this way you can also fully engage in the conversation happening over the phone

… Focusing your attention in what you’re doing while washing the dishes rather than daydream so that you can make sure you don’t miss that morsel of food that is stuck under the plate

… Creating the right time, environment and ambience to engage in daydreaming and creating a vision for the life you want to have rather than doing it while you’re driving so that the quality of your dreams is high (and avoid having a car accident!)

On the other hand, being present is not…

… Always turning the TV off because someone asked you a question at home. Instead, ask them to wait for a commercial break, or check if it is truly important.

… Assuming every email you are writing is more important than the issue your colleague was asking about when you told her “Don’t hassle me – can’t you see I’m busy?” Be present instead by waiting for an  answer to your question ‘Can you wait 5 minutes while I finish this?‘  and then making an informed decision on who / what should have your attention at that moment.

… Allowing others to determine who, when, and for how long gets your undivided attention by automatically accepting every meeting invite you receive. Start making a conscious decision about which activities benefit the most from your involvement, and shape your calendar to including  more of those. When an invite is not in your ‘Yes’ list, then develop an assertive and effective way to say ‘No’.

… Saying you can’t wash the dishes – ever – because you aren’t good at concentrating while doing them. Why not take to heart the challenge of improving your focusing skills, and embark in a competition against your ‘personal best‘ instead?

… Thinking only about you and your need for ‘daydreaming time’ to the detriment of others around you. Instead, make time for each task, and choose to Be Present in the moment because (as Dan Millman has famously said) there are No Ordinary Moments.

As you can see, Being Present requires mindfulness,  respect and compassion for others, and  choosing an attitude of “I am in charge of what I give my own time and attention to“.

What does it take to Be Present?

Being present is both incredibly easy to do once, and almost impossible to do all the time. Our world is full of distractions and multitasking-enabling technologies, so our ability to Be Present is constantly under siege. Just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Here’s some ideas on how you can Be More Present:

1. Choose your attitude. Being present requires an understanding that You, and only You, are in control of where your attention is directed. Choosing the attitude of “I am in control of where I focus my attention” allows you to decide Who/What are you going to Be Present for.
2. Make a habit of choosing. Develop the habit of making a conscious choice about who/what will receive your attitude on any given moment. To encourage you to do this, try to reflect on the following question throughout your day: Who/What am I choosing to give my undivided attention to right now?
3. Practice meditation. Being present while doing things is a simple extension of the practice of mindfulness that we engage in while meditating. Practice meditation, and Being present will become easier.
4. Understand the Law of Action. As explained In Dan Millman’s book The Laws of Spirit, “Doing leads to understanding and action turns knowledge into wisdom“. It is only through your choices in every day life will you acquire the wisdom to practice develop the habit of Being Present.
5. Go for a walking meditation. As explained above, practicing meditation helps you be more mindful and enables you to more clearly see the choices you make. Why not extend the practice of meditating while resting with your eyes closed into something you do while walking? In this show from Radio National you can listen to a program that describes why and how to go for a walking meditation.

Why Being Present?

Not long ago I would try to multi-task all the time; You know the drill: Try to complete some house chores while your partner is trying to talk to you about something important, and at the same time keep an eye on the kids to make sure they’re safe. Over time I have learned that by trying to do too many things at once, I was doing neither of them particularly well. On the  other hand, giving my undivided attention to one thing at a time has led to much better outcomes. Such is the power of focus.

When you give your undivided attention to someone you send a very simple yet powerful message to that person: You matter to me. I care. I’m all yours. Do this often enough, and the quality of your relationships will skyrocket.

Giving your undivided attention to a task sends the Universe a vital message: I strive for excellence in my outcomes. When you do this, the Law of Attraction will kick into action and enable you to get better results with less effort.

Focusing your undivided attention in the moment sends your subconscious an essential message: I am worth it. In today’s world of increasing eating and mental disabilities, the development of self-confidence has become a goal in itself. But without a sense of self-worth, self-confidence simply can not be attained. By paying attention to every moment, you are reaffirming your sense of self-worth, and paving the road to a more balanced and happy life.

Develop the habit of Being Present for other people, for the tasks you carry out, and for every moment in your life, and your relationships will thrive, you will be more successful, and you will live a happier life. Does it sound a bit far-fetched? Perhaps; but I challenge you to try it for 30 days, and return to this article to share your results. Go on, take a dare and show us if you’re a mouse or a man.

Image: adaptation of margot the light courtesy of shoothead

If you’re new to this series, you may want to read our first article where we explain the four basic principles that are the basis of the Fish! philosophy, and how it can help you have a happier life. Today, we will discuss the third principle (Have Fun), explain why it is so important to discover “the child within”, and provide you with some ideas on how to do this in your daily life – even in the most serious environment of all:At work.

Principle # 3 – Have fun

In our early years, we learn everything through play. We also have a lot of fun in the process. Why is it then that as we grow older, we become so serious? The third principle discussed in the book is an encouragement to remember that fun & games play a critical role in life.

Playing can inject some fun into your life at work and at home, and makes it easier to Choose your Attitude. When you have fun you are likely to take yourself less seriously, reduce stress, and have a better perspective in the challenges that life throws at you.

Whatever you do, make sure your effort to introduce more play in your life is carried on into your workplace. Play at work can lead to a more successful career, better engagement with your colleagues and your daily tasks, and increased innovation and productivity. The fishermen at the Pike Place Market in Seattle have made Play a way of doing business; in the process, they have created a workplace where employees are motivated and customers are engaged to the fullest. Other successful businesses have encouraged a playful attitude at work as a way to foster creativity and innovation, including Google, Electric Works, Red Bull, and many others.

To introduce Play at work you don’t need lots of money or a risky attitude (although the latter can certainly help, as this video of a flight attendant doing the pre-flight announcement as a rapper demonstrates). A dart-board or a few juggling balls are great starting points. How can you identify the props that will promote play at your workplace? Simply get together with your colleagues and decide whether to transform recycling paper into paper planes or make a collection to buy a foosball table or an electric train. When you discuss this idea with your colleagues, start by asking how can you all make the day less serious; I guarantee you will all come up with wonderful ideas.

In short, if you want to have a better, more fulfilled and relaxed life all you need to do is have some Playful Fun. And as the video below shows, sometimes all it take is a little dance.

Links

• Happy hour is 9 to 5 – a great book about happiness at work
• Authentic happiness – the official page of Dr Martin Seligman, the most prominent promoter of positive psychology
• Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo. – a video that shows the power of just a little dance

Image: adaptation of sometimes a hug is all what we need courtesy of kalandrakas

“Have you noticed (…) when you’re walking down the street (…) people don’t smile any more? They have lost the ability to smile!” – Jack Lalanne

If you’re new to this series, you may want to read our first article where we explain the four basic principles that are the basis of the Fish! philosophy, and how it can help you have a happier life. Today, we will discuss the second principle (Make someone’s day) and give you some simple ideas of how to do this on a daily basis, both at work and at home.

Principle # 2 – Make someone’s day

The second principle of the Fish! philosophy is really no secret: Actively and regularly exercising your Kindness muscles will lead to happier, healthier, better lives. Yes, there is a strong case for kindness and altruism. The best news is that this type of kindness does not require fat checkbooks or a life of deprivation and selfless sacrifices. No, we are talking about simple, ideally daily small and perhaps even random acts of kindness that make those around you feel appreciated.

This idea was not born out of naivety from do-goodies; Found first in the religious teachings of Buddha, Jesus, Mohamed and other leaders, today’s body of science has now proven the case for kindness. Recent academic studies in Positive Psychology by luminaries such as Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky from Stanford University confirm that “completing five acts of kindness every day has a significant and positive impact in our levels of positive emotion”, and leads to happier lives. Or as doctor Stephen Post and Jill Neimark proved in their recent book Why Good Things Happen to Good People, “when we give of ourselves, especially if we start young, everything from life-satisfaction to self-realization and physical health is significantly affected. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune are increased.”

Making someone’s day on a daily basis

Making someone’s day does not usually take a lot of effort, energy or money. Sure, spending large amounts of any of those can make a big difference to the impact you have through good deeds; unfortunately, most of us get easily confused by this fact, and assume that unless we set out to really make a big difference, it is all a waste of effort. I have good news for you: it isn’t.

At work, the easiest way to make someone’s day is to think about who has made your work easier or better lately, and then go and say Thank You. Yes, these words have a lot of power when they are said from the heart. And with just a little more effort, you can double its power. Our over-reliance in electronic communications has meant that the art of writing is becoming an ancient practice; use this well known fact to your advantage and write a Thank you note with pen and paper. I guarantee the recipient will not forget your gesture!

There are many other ways of giving on a daily basis, without having to spend a lot of time or energy on them:

1. Smile & Listen: As you meet people in the corridor, kitchen, or water cooler, choose one moment a day when you give your undivided attention to the person you are meeting, Smile at them, ask them how they are, and then listen. Many of us give out ‘How are yous’ without even waiting to hear the answer; make someone’s day by giving them 5 minutes of your time and actually listening to their stories.
2. Teach them how to fish rather than giving them the fish they ask for. As people come to you for help, choose instances where you can extend their skills by coaching them on how to do what they asked you about rather than simply doing it for them.
3. Offer a shoulder to lean on. Do you see someone who needs moral support? Perhaps the stress of it all is too much, or they look like they could use 5 minutes of respite; offer emotional and moral support to someone who is going through a difficult time. You’ll be surprised at the difference that you can make simply by saying “I am here to listen if you need me” to someone in distress.
4. Give someone a ride. If you’re at a business function, keep an eye out for those without transport and offer them a ride home, especially if it means only a small detour from your planned return trip. To you it may represent another 5 minutes of your day, but it may save an hour or more of travel time for the other person.
5. Give discount vouchers to those who will enjoy them. Have you ever noticed the vouchers at the back of your shopping dockets? Take a minute to cut a few of them out, and keep an eye for people at work or elsewhere that may need them or enjoy them. Even better, buy an Entertainment Book and carry some vouchers with you to give away randomly to people you meet at the shops, the supermarket,etc.

Once you get started using these ideas, and start getting ‘In the zone’ of making someone’s day on a regular basis, I recommend you read this article that will help you turn that habit into a daily routine. And if you really want to make a bigger difference in the world, then make sure you ask people to Pass the kindness Forward if they ever ask how they can pay you back for your generosity. With these simple words, you can create a snowball of kindness that will leave a path of smiles along the way.

Image: Natural Woman courtesy of Natalie Laure

“There is always a choice about the way you do your work, even if there is not a choice about the work itself” – Ken Blanchard, Stephen Lundlin, Harry Paul & John Christensen

If you’re new to this series, you may want to read our first article where we explain the four basic principles that are the basis of the Fish! philosophy, and how it can help you ave a happier life. Today, we will discuss the first principle (Choose your attitude), the impact it can have in your levels of happiness, and how you can incorporate it into your life.

Principle # 1 – Choose your attitude

Have you heard of ‘fake it till you make it‘? Then you already have learned about choosing your attitude. Some people believe that acting calm, centred and happy when that’s not how you feel is somehow unethical; after all, you are not being authentic, or so the argument goes. But truth is, acting as if you were happy leads to more positive and productive relationships , in the long-term; and this will in time create a happier life.

Choosing your attitude is not about choosing how we feel. As Dan Millman once told me, “your feelings are  like the weather; they come and go, and you can’t control them. But you can control how you act and react under different circumstances.” Choosing  your attitude is therefore about deciding how you choose to act to your present reality, and how you choose to treat those around you. When you choose to treat others in the same way you would like others to treat you, your life becomes brighter and happier.

Creating happiness by choosing your attitude

Choosing your attitude can help you create a happier life. Choosing your attitude puts you more in control of your life; since you are no longer a victim of your life and circumstances, but rather an active actor in the script of your life, you are likely to feel more motivated and happy. By choosing positive actions to difficult circumstances, you are also likely to improve the quality of your relationships, which will in turn improve the quality of your life and lead to happiness.

So the key question is how do we choose our attitude? The answer is simple: By paying more attention to how we act; developing more self-awareness of our inbuilt reactions when we are acting in auto-pilot; and consciously choosing alternate ways of reacting and using techniques that help us turn these into automatic habits.