“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” - C.G. Jung

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake, and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted when they are trying to educate their child from the womb, and expose them to the most intellectually stimulating music and art and literature before the kid can crawl. They obsess over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape and bruise. They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once, and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it if only to yourselves, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned that some of these suggestions take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional methods — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on her own, and could possibly result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall. I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It’s a much better response, and you’re teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it’s surprising how little respect we give to kids, because they’re kids.

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopes of the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that’s not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steer the child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hard-working child — but that’s not who the child is. Drop these expectations, and celebrate the child, as she is.

4. Let her play, let her explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow the kid to be a kid. Let her run around outside, ride a bike, explore nature, play with fire. Teach her, of course, about safety and dangers, but let her be a kid.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent. Stop trying to control the child, and give him some freedom. That doesn’t mean you can say yes all the time, because you have needs too, but it does mean you can say “Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I’m done with what I have to do now.”

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge on kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore, and read, and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he’s excited about something, he’ll learn. When you force it on him, he’ll do what he’s forced to do, but not learn much other than you’re controlling.

7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don’t worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you’ve broken a trust, and move on.

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child’s perspective. If you get angry, it’s because you’re only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won’t be mad at the child. You’ll try to make things better for her.

9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need. Often it’s a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Figure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don’t need to change him. You don’t need to mold him into the perfect person. He’s already perfect, just as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few, too impermanent. Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” - Red Buttons

Today’s edition of “Reflections of a crazy Colombian” comes to your courtesy of Neil Strauss, best-selling author of The Gameand Emergency

Today I received an email from best-selling author Neil Strauss (I am in one of his mailing lists), and it reminded me of the Boy’s Scout Motto ,Be Prepared. Neil became a famous best-seller author a few years ago when he wrote a fascinating expose of the underground community of Pick Up Artists (PUA) in LA and the internet. Since then, Neil has written a new book in which he shares the myriad of things he decided to learn when he finally understood that we live in an uncertain, dangerous and somewhat unreliable world (and just in case you’re wondering, no, it was not the Global Financial crisis, the swine flu crisis, or the latest California earthquakes that shook him into action)

Back to the email I received; In his newsletter article, Neil complains about the insane shifts in media attitude towards his book after the latest wave of ‘crises’. Since I found his argument rather compelling, I want to share it with you. Rather than try to repeat it in my own words, I am going to be a lazy bum and transcribe his email here.

Before you read Neil’s words, I want to provide one last warning: In his email, Neil generously provided a link to a fantastic PDF resource where he debunks the top 10 myths about the best ways to survive a crisis. To avoid overloading Neil’s web servers with download requests, I have uploaded the PDF file to Google docs, and changed the link that came with the original email to this new one. If you find the PDF useful and want to learn more about Neil’s ventures, visit him at neilstrauss.com

Diego,

I’ve been wanting to write this email “rant” for about a month.
But I keep starting it, then stopping it. It’s hard to get the tone
right without showing too much frustration:

If I thought doing the media circus for The Game was tough,
discussing Emergency has unexpectedly been even more of a challenge.

In about half the radio interviews I’ve done prior to last month,
the host has asked, with some disdain, “Prepare for what? What do
you think’s going to happen?”

And then, suddenly, when the swine flu panic hit, those same
people suddenly started calling and asking if I could do another
interview offering their listeners survival tips.

Same thing happened after the California earthquakes last week.

We live in a world that seems to REACT to emergencies, rather
than PREPARE for them. Leading to a situation in which the panic
can be more dangerous than the disaster itself.

But why not prepare ahead of time?

It doesn’t take that much time or money.

There’s a certain peace of mind that comes from knowing that when
the next inevitable panic seizes hold of people, not only do you
know what to do, but you have the equipment and skills on hand to
take care of yourself and those you love.

That’s one of the reasons why I enjoy this list so much and the emails
I’ve received from you. Many of you who’ve read Emergency have gone
on not just to learn preparedness yourself, but to actually take
CERT training and join volunteer rescue groups to give back to the
community.

And so I thought I would try to give something back with this email,
rather than just vent my frustrations about the hypocrisy of the
media.

So I prepared a list for you of the ten most common myths about
surviving terrorism, fires, earthquakes, um, shark attacks, and
other emergencies both likely and unlikely.

Just like the Game, where I learned that many of the so-called
common-sense things I learned about attraction were wrong, in
Emergency I learned that much of the wisdom I learned growing up
about survival was actually wrong.

And, in the right situation, the wrong survival tip can kill you
(whereas the wrong sarging tip can only humiliate you).

So here is a little PDF of top ten survival myths, followed by the
truth. It is dedicated to the woman I saw in the airport wearing an
N95 mask during the swine flu panic while rubbing her eyes with her
bare hands.

You can find it here:

https://docs.google.com/gb?export=download&id=F.c7afc073-7763-4907-b89f-44698248d124
(right-click to download)

Enjoy, and if you find it useful, pass it on. After all, as you’re
reading this, there may be a shark lurking in the bushes outside,
just waiting to attack. Don’t be caught with your guard down.

On a serious note, if you do have any tips to add to it, email
stslimjim [@T] gmail[D0T] com with the headline LIFESAVER and I’ll add them
to an updated version.

And don’t forget, learning survival isn’t just about not dying,
it’s also a great adventure.

To Life,
Neil

To learn more about Neil Strauss, visit his web site at neilstrauss.com or browse his list of books at Amazon.

To read more interesting articles by The crazy Colombian, visit our recommended reading page at bestof.crazycolombian.com

Image: Sunrise Paddling on the North Canadian River courtesy of FreeWine

Want to get a head start in life? Follow this simple 2-step process:

1. Go to bed at 10 PM at the latest, no exceptions

2. Wake up at 4 AM and get started on your day

By the time most people will be getting up, you will already be half way through your day. It doesn’t matter whether you devote those early hours to exercise, meditation, goal-setting, reading, or work. Whatever you do, you are almost guaranteed to do it twice as fast as usual, as there will be no distractions. Then the half day you got ahead of everyone else will be as productive as a whole day.

Sounds crazy? Let me know what you think by clicking in the survey below (or by dropping me a comment below that).

Image: What I did on my first official day of Winter Break courtesy of peyri

Once in a while, something comes down my way which I find insanely useful; today such a thing happened to me.I hope you won’t mind the length of this post, but there’s little else I can add to it. Want to learn to properly fold a shirt in 2 seconds? This video from videojug shows you how:

Fast Folding:How To Fold A T-Shirt In 2 Seconds

Editor’s note: Today’s post comes to you courtesy of Leo Babauta, author of the famous blog Zen Habits. I hope you enjoy it!

Image: Clock- Simplicity vs. Complexity courtesy of Aaron Geller

This fantastic quote summarizes something that I’ve been trying to focus on recently in my daily life:

“Whatever the tasks, do them slowly
with ease,
in mindfulness,
so not do any tasks with the goal
of getting them over with.
Resolve to each job in a relaxed way,
with all your attention.”

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Master

In our daily lives, we often rush through tasks, trying to get them done, trying to finish as much as we can each day, speeding along in our cars to our next destination, rushing to do what we need to do there, and then leaving so that we can speed to our next destination.

Unfortunately, it’s often not until we get to our final destination that we realize what madness this all is.

At the end of the day, we’re often exhausted and stressed out from the grind and the chaos and the busy-ness of the day. We don’t have time for what’s important to us, for what we really want to be doing, for spending time with loved ones, for doing things we’re passionate about.

And yet, it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s possible to live a simpler life, one where you enjoy each activity, where you are present in everything (or most things) you do, where you are content rather than rushing to finish things.

If that appeals to you, let’s take a look at some suggestions for living a simple, peaceful, content life:

1. What’s important. First, take a step back and think about what’s important to you. What do you really want to be doing, who do you want to spend your time with, what do you want to accomplish with your work? Make a short list of 4-5 things for your life, 4-5 people you want to spend time with, 4-5 things you’d like to accomplish at work.
2. Examine your commitments. A big part of the problem is that our lives are way too full. We can’t possibly do everything we have committed to doing, and we certainly can’t enjoy it if we’re trying to do everything. Accept that you can’t do everything, know that you want to do what’s important to you, and try to eliminate the commitments that aren’t as important. See this article for more.
3. Do less each day. Don’t fill your day up with things to do. You will end up rushing to do them all. If you normally try (and fail) to do 7-10 things, do 3 important ones instead (with 3 more smaller items to do if you get those three done). This will give you time to do what you need to do, and not rush.
4. Leave space between tasks or appointments. Another mistake is trying to schedule things back-to-back. This leaves no cushion in case things take longer than we planned (which they always do), and it also gives us a feeling of being rushed and stressed throughout the day. Instead, leave a good-sized gap between your appointments or tasks, allowing you to focus more on each one, and have a transition time between them.
5. Eliminate as much as possible from your to-do list. You can’t do everything on your to-do list. Even if you could, more things will come up. As much as you can, simplify your to-do list down to the essentials. This allows you to rush less and focus more on what’s important. See this article for more.
6. Now, slow down and enjoy every task. This is the most important tip in this article. Read it twice. Whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a work task or taking a shower or brushing your teeth or cooking dinner or driving to work, slow down. Try to enjoy whatever you’re doing. Try to pay attention, instead of thinking about other things. Be in the moment. This isn’t easy, as you will often forget. But find a way to remind yourself. Unless the task involves actual pain, there isn’t anything that can’t be enjoyable if you give it the proper attention.
7. Single-task. This is kind of a mantra of mine, as I talk about how to single-task all the time. But it’s an important point for me, and for this article. Do one thing at a time, and do it well.
8. Eat slower. This is just a more specific application of Tip #6, but it’s something we do every day, so it deserves special attention. See this article for more.
9. Drive slower. Another application of the same principle, driving is something we do that’s often mindless and rushed. Instead, slow down and enjoy the journey. See this article for more.
10. Eliminate stress. Find the stressors in your life, and find ways to eliminate them. See this article for more.
11. How and why to slow down. This is such an important point, that I’m going to point you to two other articles on this: here and here.
12. Create time for solitude. In addition to slowing down and enjoying the tasks we do, and doing less of them, it’s also important to just have some time to yourself. Read this article for more.
13. Do nothing. Sometimes, it’s good to forget about doing things, and do nothing. Here’s more.
14. Sprinkle simple pleasures throughout your day. Knowing what your simple pleasures are, and putting a few of them in each day, can go a long way to making life more enjoyable. Here’s a list of 75 simple pleasures.
15. Practice being present. You can practice being in the moment at any time during the day. Here’s how.
16. Find inspirations. Learn from the best. Here are 5 inspirations for being in the moment.
17. Make frugality an enjoyable thing too. Instead of delayed gratification, try enjoying life now while saving for later.

To my loyal readers: This is another reflection I previously wrote for my other project, Pass it Forward. I hope you enjoy it. -The crazy Colombian

Image: Puppies in the Puddle courtesy of Todd Huffman

You may be surprised by these news, but No: you do not need to be a Boy scout to Be Prepared‘ (Scouts’ motto) and Do a Good Turn Daily (Scout’s slogan). In this article we will tell you why you should create the habit of giving on a daily basis, and we will also share with you the ’secret weapon’ that makes this as easy as 1-2-3!

Why give on a daily basis?

The benefits of daily giving should be obvious, but let’s recount them:

• Giving on a daily basis will make you a better Christian / Muslim / Buddhist / <insert your religious denomination here>
• It makes you feel like you have contributed with something positive every day
• Give daily to those in need, and you will start to appreciate how much you actually have in your life
• Eventually, all that good may come back (If you don’t know about the universal Law of cause & effect or Karma, you can learn about it in this article)
• And would you believe that some forms of giving are even tax-free?

Ok, so now that you’re convinced of making Giving a daily habit, let’s move to the How.

How to give on a daily basis?

There are 2 things you need to remember to make Giving a daily habit in your life:

1. Remember that creating new habits is a difficult task, so be easy on yourself. Leo Babauta of Zen Habits has written a fantastic article that will help you remember of 13 things to avoid when changing habits. We strongly recommend you read it when you’re finished with us.
2. Make sure you’re ready to give when the opportunity arises. Most of the time we don’t give not because we don’t want to, but because it will take too much time, we don’t have change with us, or it simply happens at an inconvenient time. To combat these issues, we have a secret weapon: The PIF kit! What?! we here you say; Shhhhh…. it’s a cleverly guarded secret of us, committed philanthropists. But don’t worry, you can go to this Secret page to learn it all about PIF kits. It’s very easy! Take a look, and decide by yourself.

Image: 1 courtesy of 18 55 Photography

Editor’s Note: This post was originally published by The crazy Colombian in the ‘Reflections’ section of his other web site Pass It Forward. We encourage you to visit this web page and learn more about this inspirational project that is changing the world with acts of kindness.

The parable of the hungry little boy

There once was a little boy who lived on the streets of New York and was always hungry. On Monday morning a senior executive from a hedge fund walked past him; The executive had received a free bread-roll with his coffee from the local Starbucks. Since he was on a low-carb diet, he carelessly tossed it away. Luckily for the small boy, the bread-roll landed on his lap (the boy’s, not the executive’s)On this first day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry. On Tuesday, a Social Security worker walked past this same little boy. His heart was broken by the sight of a young & vulnerable child on the harsh streets of New York. He decided to stop at the bakery across the road, and used the few coins in his pocket to buy a bread-roll for the boy. On this second day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry. On Wednesday a visiting politician from Washington D.C. walked past the boy, and saw a golden opportunity for some positive PR. He took his PR consultant’s lunch box, removed a bread-roll that was in it, and asked him to take a photo of him magnanimously giving the boy some food. On this third day the boy had something to eat, and did not go hungry.

Who was a better giver: The senior executive; the Social Security worker, or the politician? If you’re like most of us, you will say the Social Security worker. In our judgemental eyes, he was the only generous soul; the senior executive was simply careless, and the politician self-serving. Yet truth is they all gave a bread-roll away. To the small boy, all three acts of kindness were equal. At the end of the day, each and every one of them allowed him to avoid hunger in a cold, winter New York day.

So what?

In our current society, we often judge others’ acts of generosity on the basis of the giver’s intentions & motivations. We believe that giving must be done with love in our hearts to be worthy of praise. But wouldn’t it be even more admirable if you gave something even when you were not inspired; when you were not feeling generous; even when you simply did not feel like it? We all feel inspired by the person who has nothing yet gives much; in a certain way, that generosity is remarkable, and needs to be praised, if for no other reason than to recognise a selfless and generous spirit we have come across in our day. Yet we must be careful. Simply because giving with little in our pocket and a generous heart is a good thing, does not mean that we should fail to acknowledge any giving that does not come in the company of those admirable traits.

The greatest gift : giving in spite of yourself

We usually give when we are in a good mood, feeling either wealthy or generous. Yet we often feel unworthy to participate in the gift of giving if we feel motivated to do so because it has a positive impact in our taxes; because we feel just a tinge of guilt from our latest excesses; or because someone who we love is watching us and we do not want to be seen as too selfish. It has been said that many volunteers get a strong sense of purpose from donating their time, and that at the end of the day, they are giving not so much because they love others and want to help them; but because they love themselves and feeling useful makes them happy. Should we snub them and their efforts because of it? Or course not! Just remember that to those on the receiving end, your motivation makes very little difference. Next time you feel like you need to be in the right frame of mind before you give to others, get over your moralistic impulses and Just Do It. The person who benefits from your kindness will appreciate it regardless of your motivations!

Image: Otro techo del Alcázar by Jacobo Canady

Today I received a chain email with an inspirational message from George Carlin. As expected, it finished with the typical encouragement to forward it to other people. In this article I will tell you the story of how I nearly contributed to spreading false rumours; how I stopped myself from doing so by conducting some fairly simple research; and why I felt it was important to tell my tale. When you finish reading this article you will have learned why you shouldn’t just click forward when receiving chain letters; how to research hoax and chain letters; and you will have a wider repertoire of reactions to this daily event. Just to stir things a little, since the message that started it all was full of wise advise on how to stay young, I will finish today by transcribing the message for your reading pleasure anyway.

I hope you’ll enjoy the tale.

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Do you hate Spam? Look at your own habits before you judge others…

This morning I got an email message. It was from someone I respect, and contained advise on how to stay young. I was so excited! Its content resonated with me, so I decided to do what I typically advise friends & family against: Send it to everyone I have in my address book.

I clicked the forward button, selected most of the email addresses in my contact list, and just before I hit Send, I came back to my senses. What am I thinking? I Better check this before I pass it around! I saved it as a draft. I Googled the terms “George Carlin” and “How to Stay Young”. I studied the search results.

Many of the web sites presented by Google were simple transcriptions of the email; a few, however, discussed this particular chain letter and its origins. What I found out did not surprise me: George Carlin never wrote that piece, as he explained in an interview he did with A.V. Club as far back as 2005:

Here’s what I want people to know, and if I did nothing else in this interview, I’ll get this across: If anyone e-mails you something “by George Carlin,” there’s a 99 percent chance I did not write it. I didn’t write “Paradox Of Our Time.” I didn’t write “George Carlin On Aging.” I didn’t write a eulogy for my wife after she died. I didn’t write the New Orleans thing. I didn’t write “I Am A Bad American.” None of them. (source: Interview with George Carlin at A.V.Club)

With this realisation, I found myself in an uncomfortable position. Despite my strong dislike for Spam, I almost became just another spammer. Sure, I wasn’t trying to sell pills that enhance your performance in the bedroom, or convince you to give me some money so that I can send you just the right product to enlarge your manhood. But the harsh reality is that if I had sent this email around in an unsolicited manner, I could have clogged some mailboxes, becoming yet another unwilling player in the spam wars.

Don’t get me wrong: the advise I received on ‘How to Stay Young’ was wise and had merit; I still think it’s worthy of distribution. But attributing its authorship to someone who clearly does not want to be associated with it is just plain silly; and continuing the dissemination of misinformation on the ‘Net only helps to diminish the value of both the advise in the article, and the Internet as a media outlet.

As I reflected on my own actions, I recognised that I had let my guard down. Why? Because the content of the email resonated with my values. This simple fact almost made me forget my own advise, and pushed me to take the easy path of simply forwarding it to people I know. In discovering my weakness, I became more aware of the way I react to some chain letters, and increased my repertoire of options for how to deal with these type of messages in the future.

You too should Stop! before clicking the Forward button

At first sight, it seems a bit too silly to worry about just forwarding a chain letter. You’re probably asking yourself What’s the harm anyway? The Crazy Colombian is such a Wuss! Just send ‘em around, and allow others to enjoy the stories & messages!

Yet there are many reasons why perpetuating chain letters is not advisable; and in many cases it is just wrong, as some Internet evangelists often argue. Why?

• Because it is a waste of internet resources Forwarding chain letters sucks up valuable internet server & bandwidth resources in a wasteful manner. Assume each original recipient of the letter sends it to 10 more people (a very conservative estimate); by the time the ninth wave of forwarding happens, your message will have generated a billion messages. These messages take up hard disk space in mail servers, and consume invaluable internet bandwidth that could have been used for other purposes. If you like the content, post it on a web page, and send a one liner to people advising them of the message; it is a far more effective way of spreading the message. Have you ever considered why the price of net access doesn’t fall as rapidly as the price of other technology services? To some extent, it is because of the ever-growing need for storage and connectivity investments. Forwarding chain letters creates an exponential increase in the need for more space and bandwidth.
• Because it shows a lack of respect for others people’s time Every recipient of the chain letter will take up some time to open it, decide whether to read it or not, and either forward it or (in many instances) trash it. As we’ve seen, the amount of time wasted can easily escalate into the billions or trillions of seconds quite easily because of the compounding pyramid effect. Just think how often do you, your friends, family and colleagues complain of not having enough time for doing the things we love. Just stop for a second to consider of all the seconds you’ve robbed from them simply by forwarding those messages they didn’t need or want!
• Because it stops valid email from being delivered Many people have limits in the space allocated to their mailbox. Once the mailbox fills up, the system starts rejecting new messages. Consider how many important messages may not reach the recipient on a timely basis simply because one of these chain letters reached their mailbox just before it got full; not a pretty side effect, is it? Add to that the fact that spam filters are increasingly being used to stop unsolicited email (including chain letters), and these filters sometimes stop solicited messages; this double-whammy often means that messages that we need or want (heck, maybe even paid for!) will not reach us.
• Because it damages reputations For most of these chain letters, the person that allegedly wrote the original message has nothing to do with it. Many times this will have a negative impact on the reputation of the alleged author. The University of Oklahoma’s Police department explains that “Not only are these messages time consuming and costly, they may also be damaging to a person’s or organization’s reputation as in the case of the Jessica Mydek and the American Cancer Society chain letters” (source: The Police Notebook’s page on Chain letters)

Not enough reasons? Ok, how about because the Crazy Colombian says so?

Stop spreading rumours and leverage the power of the Internet

So how do we stop the continuous circulation of false information on the net? There is a powerful , easy to use tool at your disposal. You use it very often, quite likely every day, and best of all, it is Free. Its name is Google

Surprised? Don’t be! Next time you get a chain letter, this is all you need to do (it won’t take more than a minute):

1. Copy the subject line of the email (or a phrase that is unique to the message)
2. Open Google on your web browser
3. Paste the subject line (or unique phrase) into Google’s search box; You will want to make sure to enclose it within quotes, so the search engine will know it must look for the exact phrase.
4. Add the words ’hoax’ or ’chain letter’ to the search box
5. Hit enter.
6. Take a few minutes to study the search engine results.

Pretty easy, isn’t it? Doing this will only take you between 30 seconds and a minute, yet it will prove an invaluable investment of your time. 99.99% of the times you end up doing this, you will quite rapidly find out that the information in the original letter is misleading, or at the very least contains important inconsistencies. Isn’t it worth knowing what you’re dealing with before you aimlessly hit Forward? If you follow my advise, you can then make an informed decision about what to do with the message. Let’s take a look at some of the options you will have at your disposal:

1. Just press forward You may decide to allow the chain letter to continue its journey, despite any potential inaccuracies or inconsistencies. Maybe you believe there is enough truth into it; or you found it entertaining enough. Whatever your reasons, you may still decide to send it around after doing your ‘due diligence’. You still will be better off as a more informed participant in this activity, and will have a better understanding of the consequences that your action will have.
2. Add a disclaimer, then send it around Another option is to add a disclaimer, explaining what you found and the reasons why you still chose to send it around. By doing this, you will educate the people who receive it, and minimise the misinformation that goes around in the email. Go ahead, spread the good words, and at the same time make the world a bit less ignorant – George Carlin will probably thank you for correcting the misinformation!
3. Rewrite it before you forward it If the inaccuracies are too much to stomach passing them around, you can also choose to re-write the entire chain letter, so that it is more factual and accurate. Why not improve it? When you get around to hit the Send button, you effectively took some ownership for the message’s content, so why not take responsibility for your email, and improve the way it communicates the key messages to its recipients? Sure, it takes a bit more time, but it is better that to continue disseminating incorrect information, isn’t’ it? In this example, you could remove the pictures of George Carlin and any references to him, leaving the main body of the message. What the heck – you could even add an introduction where you explain what you did, and why!
4. Just trash it Is it worth spreading false information around? Maybe the best (and quickest) course of action is to just send it straight to the recycling bin.Over and done in just 1 second!

I am sure there are more options than those listed above, but now you have a better starting point. Next time you get a chain letter, do your research; educate yourself; take responsibility for your emails; and carefully consider your options. As we have illustrated here, there are more constructive ways for dealing with chain letters than ‘simply pressing forward’ without thinking about it; come to think of it, that choice is often the ‘default button’ in the software running amongst most people in your contact list. Why not lead by example and show that things can be done differently?

Ok, I understand you’re not convinced. Maybe you will feel better following Judy Vorfeld’s advise of on how to deal with chain letters:

“Any time you get a call to action, STOP! Think! Verify! Every time you’re tempted to click “FORWARD” and send a chain letter to others, think about it first. Create a new file folder for your incoming mail called “Chain-letters.” Put suspected chain letters in this folder. Let them sit a while or try some of the links below, using appropriate keywords. If it’s not an urban legend, you may want to send it. If it is an urban legend,delete it.” (source: The Chain Letter Challenge, by Judy Vorfeld)

But the letter says if I send it around I will get 10 years of bad luck. What if it’s true? I can’t take such a big risk!! If you absolutely MUST forward it around, then at least use the services of Chain Letters Anonymous. They will take your letter in paper or electronic format, and send it to volunteers who will destroy the messages upon receving them. That way, you don’t get any of the Bad Karma associated with stopping the letter. Do you feel better already?

On Aging & How to stay young (not by George Carlin!)

This is it: This is the piece that I got on my email which captured my attention. Despite the fact that George Carlin is not the author, I still loved the advise it contained. I particularly like the closing: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

I hope you find some timeless wisdom that you can apply to your daily life.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them..”

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them , at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don’t send this to at least 8 people – who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!

You didn’t stop when I suggested it, did you? tsk tsk tsk… Ok, here is your chance. To make sure you receive provocative and informative articles from this web site, simply click here and subscribe to my articles by email or RSS feed. Go ahead, don’t be shy! With an irresistible price tag (FREE) it is one of the best investments you’ll ever make!

Image: IMG_4937 courtesy of jeaneeem

If you’re new to this series, you may want to go to this article to learn how this all started. In this last article of a 6-part series, I will describe in detail why really showing your audience that you appreciate their support is an important part of being a super start that people love; and will use a couple of examples from Michael Bublé’s concert on the 31 May, 2008 to illustrate it.

The importance of giving back

So you’re now a Super Star; all those fans that adore you and idolise you constantly make you feel you are invulnerable. But remember: you too are human. After all, we all start from the same place; an innocent, naked bundle of cries and love who is totally and utterly dependent in others (especially Mum) to survive in this world.

You may think that you are where you are because of what you have done; and that is partly true. But it is equally true that if it had not been for all the help you received along the way, it would have been impossible for you to reach Stardom. You may simply not have been alive for long enough to reach Super Stardom had your mother not cared for you, protected you in those early days, and nurtured you. If you also reflect back to those days when you were an unknown artist, you will remember just how desperately dependent on the help from others you were. Someone discovered you and trusted you and took a risk on you just to see-if-you-had-what-it-takes to get to where you are now. Other artists decided to give you a break and call you for a supporting act that skyrocketed you into the limelight for those few but critical minutes. And at some point, your fans decided to support you by shelling out their hard-earned-cash for your music, one CD at a time.

As you reflect on the long chain of events that made you a Super Star, you will find that despite your own perceptions of grandeur, it was mostly through the generosity of others and the trust they put in you that you finally made it. Now that you are on stage, in front of tens of thousands of the very people that propelled you towards stardom, you might want to consider giving back. Acknowledge the role they played; give them their five seconds of fame by acknowledging the critical role they have played in helping you be there tonight. Remain humble and honest while you say it, for your fans will spot a cursory or even fake acknowledgement, and will hold that against you for a long time.

Be creative in how you say Thanks!

Have you ever noticed how many people have developed the habit of saying Thank You when it is deserved? Not many. Our modern world pushes us from one responsibility to the next without letting us take that 5-minute break we need to stop, think about who should we thank for their contribution, and actually say it like we mean it. Yet not all is lost. A slow movement is taking the world by storm to show us that slowing down to reflect; smell the roses; and connect with others is a worthwhile activity. More people are acknowledging the value of slowing down every day, and as a result more Thank You’s are being dished out on a daily basis.

Yet we must remain alert; it is too easy to fall into the trap of thinking there’s only one way of saying Thank you. A look back at our own lives often reveals a hundred ways of creatively saying Thank You without even using those words:

1. Give a present. By carefully observing the likes and dislikes of the person you want to Thank, it is easy to choose a small and inexpensive gift that will be appreciated by the other person.
2. Give a card. We all do it at birthday time, don’t we? Just remember that the not-so-glossy card hand-drawn by your 3 year-old is more memorable than the super-sized farewell from “the mob” at your last work’s farewell. Remember that expensive is not always better, and making it personal and unique makes a big difference.
3. Just Say It. Yes, you can always use the words. You can do it in 2 seconds: just say Thank You and move on. Or you can do it in 2 minutes: say Thank you for…. and proceed to explain what are you’re grateful for and why. But why not do it in 5 or 10 minutes? Do what the professionals do, and tell a story that illustrates how the actions of the other person made a massive difference in your life. Using stories to say Thank You gives you the opportunity to be creative with your words; weave a strong emotional plot in the story; and connect with not only the minds but also with the hearts of your audience. Reach out into their souls and touch them gently; you will be giving them something they don’t get as often as they could: the attention and time of someone who cares.

How did Michael say Thank You?

He used all three techniques described above. First, he told us a story of how he grew up; and how he had a tough up-bringing. He related to us by saying he understood that many of us might be going through hardship, and made an effort to shell-out the cash to come listen to him singing. He also said he really appreciated the effort we have made in making babysitter arrangements; travelling from another city; or giving away a night of being with friends, in our efforts to come and listen to him. He explained that this meant a lot to him, and explicitly Thanked Us, his fans, for making his career and professional life possible.

He then used the light & sound crew he had at his disposal to make a magnificent Than You card: in what was the most effective use of large backdrops I ave ever seen in a concert. While singing Home, Michael got his crew to project images of Sydney and Australian icons in the back of the stage (take a close look at the photo of his concert that opened this article; that image at the back is from our beloved capital, Canberra).

He then closed his performance by giving us a wonderful present: he came back out onto the stage, and invited his supporting act to perform one more song for us. The emotional power of hearing Michael perform his last song with such an incredibly talented vocal group was a wonderful gift; a golden brooch, some might say.

There were also a lot of small gestures; too many to be mentioned here in detail. But it was evident that Michael made a real effort to show his appreciation for his audience; as already related, he kept it humble, real, and very human; and in doing so he connected with our hearts in a way that I have not seen many artists connect ever before in a stage. Well done, Michael; you had previously won our hard-earned-money. Tonight, you earned something that is much more valuable: a special place in our hearts, and a memory that will never fade. May you keep going on to bigger and better things. Oh, and please keep singing: we love your rendition of Jazz on- and off-stage!

Closing thoughts

If you have followed this series, you know now from observing Michael Bublé in action that there are five things you can do be the type of super star that people truly love:

1. Engage your audience
2. Appreciate the artists from your band and supporting act by acknowledging in public their unique contribution
3. Show you too are human
4. Have a sense of humour and use it – have some fun while you’re in that stage!
5. Appreciate the effort & support of your fans

I thank you for staying with us, and wish you the best in your future performances. Put these lessons into practice, and you too will be able to become a super star that people truly love!

Image: IMG_4887 courtesy of jeaneeem

If you’re new to this series, you may want to go to this article to learn how this all started. In this fourth article of a 6-part series, I will describe in detail why having a sense of humour – and using it! – is an important part of being a super start that people love; and will use a couple of examples from Michael Bublé’s concert on the 31 May, 2008 to illustrate it.

The difference between humour and sarcasm

How many times have you been around with the gang around the water cooler, and listened to someone criticising another friend with impunity, just because he did this by disguising his attack as humour? We all know that is not humour. When you have a sense of humour and use it, you make others laugh and feel better; you lighten up their days. When you are sarcastic, you make at least one other person feel embarrassed, hurt or upset, and you will find that it makes others around you feel uncomfortable.

The sad reality is that many of us never developed a sense of humour when we were young; and as life went by, learned instead to use sarcasm as the next-best-replacement. Big Mistake. Not only do we hurt others with our misguided attempt at being funny; we end up hurting ourselves.

Warning: Misuse of sarcasm can be harmful to your personal brand

How can that be? Psychologists have proven that human beings will avoid situations and people that make them feel uncomfortable (unless you’re a masochist!). Every time you use sarcasm, some of your audience will feel uncomfortable or hurt, and will avoid your company in the future. This may all happen at a subconscious level, so no one may be aware of what is happening; but it is a law of human behaviour: you can be certain it will happen.

But that’s their loss, not mine, I hear you say. Wrong again. For you to perform well, you almost always will need (and want!) an audience. And having an audience that likes you is the first step in having a network that recommends you and endorses your work. Whether you are a musician, a politician, a business analyst or a hairdresser, your livelihood and success depends greatly on your own personal brand. And every time that you use sarcasm and turn someone else off, you are slowly eroding the value of your personal brand.

How to have a Good Sense of Humour and use it

We typically have not developed the skills to be funny; rely on its poor cousin (sarcasm) in an attempt to be liked; and instead cause great harm to our audience and ourselves. Do we really have any hope? The answer is a resounding Yes. You too can develop a good sense of humour and become a Super Star that people truly love by consciously and consistently applying the following principles:

1. Keep it balanced. The easiest way to instantaneously go from being someone with a good sense of humour to the class-clown is to joke all the time. Have you noticed just how many class-clowns become Super Stars? It happens, but not that often. Keep it in balance, and use your sense of humour sparingly. There is, after all, such a thing as ‘too much of a good thing’.
2. Focus on yourself. When you make fun of others, the joke really is on you: No one likes to be laughed at, and your attempt to make others smile will likely cause the opposite reaction. Start to develop your sense of humour by making fun of yourself; not only will you learn which jokes actually feel good to the person that is being made fun of, it will also make others around you feel that you too are human.
3. Learn to laugh yourself. Do you have an infectious laugh that is genuine and warm? If you don’t, it will be difficult for others to laugh with you. Don’t despair if you don’t; Remember: Practice makes Perfect. All you need to do is search your local newspaper for comedy festivals and stand-up comedy acts, and buy tickets to at least one show every week over the next month. By the end of it, you will have loosened up your funny muscles and be able to laugh in a more natural way (or at the very least, you will have had a great time!)

The art of putting on a good show: Bublé’s stand up musical comedy

So let’s take a look at how Michael Bublé used humour in an effective way to put his audience at ease. During the performance, Michael…

• …was happy to play the clown by allowing a fan to grab his ass after he offered a hug like a good gentleman
• … set up a small comic routine with one of his trombone players, where he stormed out of the stage; and his band member decided that since Michael was not going to sing any more, he would (hint: take a close look at the photograph at the top of this post; the person singing is not Bublé!)
• … finished this staged-impromptu act by pretending to play the trombone better than his band member (only to be ‘discovered’ when he took the trombone off his lips, and the sound continued – with a quick beam of light being directed to another trombone player who had been playing all along)
• … invited his audience to get “close and personal” and made fun of it by saying the security crew will love you for that!

In short, Michael Bublé played the clown a few times during his concert, sometimes whilst engaging the audience; other times whilst acknowledging his crew. Have you noticed how fluid Michael was in his execution of these techniques? He moved from one to the other; mixed them all up; and made it all look very natural. Yet I am sure there was a lot of thought and preparation behind it all. The good news is that you too can learn to do all this, and pretend to be a natural (who knows, with enough practice you may in fact become a natural at it!).

Stay tuned for the next article in the series, and you will learn the last technique that you can apply to transform your next performance from Good to Great: Thanking your audience.

Links to articles in the Michael Bublé series

• Introduction

1. Engage your audience
2. Appreciate your crew
3. Show you are human
4. Have a sense of humour (this article)
5. Thank your fans